How RLT Helps People Build Deeply Meaningful Relationships
Discover the roadmap for deep healing, conflict resolution, and lasting connection.
What is Relational Life Therapy (RLT)?
RLT is a groundbreaking approach to couples therapy known for producing deep and lasting change.
Developed by bestselling author and family therapist Terry Real, it combines psychotherapy, family systems, feminist therapy, trauma work, and neurobiology to create a highly effective method that helps even the most distant or volatile couples reconnect.
From infidelity to decades of disconnection, couples therapy is one of the most emotionally charged, high-stakes forms of therapy. RLT gets to the root of the problem quickly – often in the first session – so therapy doesn’t drag on without resolution.
For both clients and clinicians, RLT offers a clear 3-phase framework for healing – one that helps couples move out of cycles of conflict, restore closeness, and build deeply fulfilling relationships.
The 3-Phase Framework To Lasting, Loving Connection
RLLT works in 3 distinct phases to help clients create the meaningful relationships they crave. 
Wake Up
We directly but lovingly confront our clients with the unhealthy behaviors they have developed that are harming their relationships. We help them understand the repeating patterns they’re stuck in – so they can finally break them.
Healing Trauma
Once we know what the unhealthy behaviors are, we heal the relational wounds that drive them.
We conduct deep inner child work with both partners present to provide corrective emotional experiences where trust and empathy can deepen
Lifelong Skills
We teach clients the minute-to-minute skills to work through conflict, nurture their connection, and sustain intimacy.
From how to negotiate and apologize to speaking up with love, clients leave knowing how to live skilled relational lives.
Why RLT Works Where Other Approaches Don’t
Most traditional models of couples therapy stop at managing the day-to-day conflicts. RLT goes further. Here’s how our approach differs in ways that create lasting change.
Conventional Models
Relational Life Therapy (RLT)
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Remains neutral
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RLT intervenes where it matters.
Not all problems in relationships are 50/50. RLT takes sides when one partner’s behavior is causing more harm to the relationship to restore balance.
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Sees narcissism as untreatable
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RLT doesn’t shy away from challenging presentations.
RLT skillfully confronts grandiose, anti-relational behavior – verbal abuse, dismissal, minimization – to hold clients accountable & motivate real change.
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Keeps the therapist’s experience out of the room
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RLT gets in the mud with clients.
We share from our own healing to act as models of relationality and build a deeply trusting alliance with our clients.
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Separates trauma work from couples sessions
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RLT conducts trauma work in the presence of the partner.
To deepen the healing process and fosters empathy, as each partner gains insight into the other’s pain and patterns.
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Avoids direct advice
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RLT is compassionately direct.
We tell clients the truth about how they’re showing up and what needs to change in a way that establishes trust.
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Focuses on reflection and insight
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RLT pairs insight with action.
We teach clients the relational skills they need to sustain connection long after therapy ends. From boundary-building to emotional regulation and repair.
Conventional Models
-
Remains neutral
-
Sees narcissism as untreatable
-
Keeps the therapist’s experience out of the room
-
Separates trauma work from couples sessions
-
Avoids direct advice
-
Focuses on reflection and insight
Relational Life Therapy (RLT)
-
RLT intervenes where it matters.
Not all problems in relationships are 50/50. RLT takes sides when one partner’s behavior is causing more harm to the relationship to restore balance.
-
RLT doesn’t shy away from challenging presentations.
RLT skillfully confronts grandiose, anti-relational behavior – verbal abuse, dismissal, minimization – to hold clients accountable & motivate real change.
-
RLT gets in the mud with clients.
We share from our own healing to act as models of relationality and build a deeply trusting alliance with our clients.
-
RLT conducts trauma work in the presence of the partner.
To deepen the healing process and fosters empathy, as each partner gains insight into the other’s pain and patterns.
-
RLT is compassionately direct.
We tell clients the truth about how they’re showing up and what needs to change in a way that establishes trust.
-
RLT pairs insight with action.
We teach clients the relational skills they need to sustain connection long after therapy ends. From boundary-building to emotional regulation and repair.
Real Transformation Stories
Hear from people who discovered the power of relational living.
Transformative
The Evolution of RLT
Relational Life Therapy (RLT) emerged from a need for deeper, more effective couples therapy.
1998
Development of core RLT techniques from Terry’s Couples Intensive weekends. 
2007
“The New Rules of Marriage” published, with actionable guidance for couples.
2014
Launch of the comprehensive RLT Certification program, creating a global community of certified practitioners.
1997
Terry Real’s “I Don’t Want to Talk About It” published – the first book on male depression.
2002
“How Can I Get Through To You” published, helping couples ease communication blocks.
2008
Relational Life Institute founded to train other practitioners in RLT.
2022
“Us: Getting Past You and Me To Build a More Loving Relationship,” – the culmination of Terry’s work – becomes a New York Times bestseller.
1997
Terry Real’s “I Don’t Want to Talk About It” published – the first book on male depression.
1998
Development of core RLT techniques from Terry’s Couples Intensive weekends.
2002
“How Can I Get Through To You” published, helping couples ease communication blocks.
2007
“The New Rules of Marriage” published, with actionable guidance for couples.
2008
Relational Life Institute founded to train other practitioners in RLT.
2014
Launch of the comprehensive RLT Certification program, creating a global community of certified practitioners.
2022
“Us: Getting Past You and Me To Build a More Loving Relationship,” – the culmination of Terry’s work – becomes a New York Times bestseller. Transformative
Experience the Power of RLT
Learn how RLT will transform your relationships – with yourself and others – in this short video from Terry Real, the creator of RLT. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHOmBV4js_E
How RLT Will Help You
For Better Relationships
RLT helps you break free from the patterns that keep you stuck – whether it’s endless arguments, years of silence, or the fallout of broken trust. You’ll learn how to:
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See and heal the behaviors that damage your relationships. -
Build deeper intimacy through mutual trust, empathy, and accountability. -
Practice concrete skills – like calmly handling conflict and asking for what you want with love – to build a relationship that works for both of you.
For Therapists and Coaches
RLT gives you a clear roadmap to work effectively with even the most challenging couples. You’ll be able to:
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Quickly identify destructive patterns and reflect them back to build trust. -
Confidently address power imbalances and confront narcissistic behaviors without shaming clients. -
Teach clients the skills to sustain intimacy, making your work with them truly lasting.