# Relational Life Institute

> The Relational Life Institute (RLI) is the home of Relational Life Therapy (RLT), a direct, results-oriented approach to couples therapy created by Terry Real. RLI trains and certifies therapists and coaches worldwide in the RLT method, and offers courses, workshops, and events for couples and individuals. RLI operates across three primary domains to serve different audiences:
* **RelationalLife.com**: Professional certification, CE courses, and clinical training.
* **TerryReal.com**: Consumer-facing courses, Relationship Bootcamp listings, and free resources.
* **directory.relationallife.com**: Searchable directory of certified RLT practitioners.

## About the Founder

Terry Real, LICSW, is a family therapist with over 40 years of clinical experience, bestselling author of four books on relationships and male depression, and founder of RLT. He has been featured in The New York Times, CNN, Forbes, Psychology Today, and The Tim Ferriss Show (#798).

- [Terry Real on Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terry_Real)
- [Terry Real on The Tim Ferriss Show](https://tim.blog/2025/03/06/terry-real-relationship-coach/)

## What is Relational Life Therapy (RLT)?

Relational Life Therapy is an approach to couples therapy that differs from conventional models by being direct rather than neutral – taking sides with the health of the relationship. It works through three phases: (1) Wake Up – helping clients see relational patterns, (2) Healing Trauma – addressing family-of-origin wounds driving those patterns, and (3) Lifelong Skills – teaching practical tools for connection and conflict resolution.

- [What Is Relational Life Therapy?](https://relationallife.com/what-is-rlt/)

## Core Methodology and Key Concepts

- **The Relational Grid:** A diagnostic tool mapping each partner's relational stance during conflict across four quadrants. The two axes are self-esteem (grandiosity/one-up vs. shame/one-down) and boundaries (boundarylessness vs. walled-off-ness), revealing each partner's default position under stress.
- **The Adaptive Child:** The reactive, survival-based part of a person shaped by early family-of-origin experiences. RLT helps clients recognize when they are operating from their Adaptive Child rather than their mature, relational, Wise Adult self.
- **The Wise Adult:** The mature, relational self that clients are guided toward – able to stay grounded, respond rather than react, and sustain connection even under stress. The goal of RLT is to help clients operate from the Wise Adult rather than the Adaptive Child.
- **Losing Strategies vs. Winning Strategies:** Five Losing Strategies – habitual reactive behaviors that keep couples stuck – replaced with Winning Strategies that foster connection.
- **Joining Through the Truth:** The therapist is direct and honest about destructive patterns, confronting behavior with compassion rather than remaining neutral.
- **The 8 Diagnostic Lenses:** A structured assessment framework used to map a couple's relational dynamics, often within the first session. The 8 lenses: (1) Presenting Problems – each partner's core complaint; (2) Preconditions – screening for factors that prevent relational work (active addiction, psychiatric instability, ongoing abuse); (3) Stance, Stance-Dance – each partner's relational stance (one-up/grandiosity or one-down/shame) and the repetitive dynamic they co-create, diagnosed through the "the more… the more…" formula (e.g., "the more you pursue, the more I withdraw"); (4) Losing Strategies – the five automatic behaviors that sabotage intimacy; (5) Relational Grid – each partner's position across self-esteem and boundary axes; (6) Family Role – childhood survival roles influencing adult behavior; (7) Latent/Blatant Typology – how power is expressed and hidden within the relationship; (8) Social Context – broader cultural factors including gender, race, class, and privilege.
- **Harmony, Disharmony, and Repair:** Healthy relationships cycle through these three states – the skill of repair sustains connection over time.

## For Therapists & Coaches

### RLT Certification

The most in-depth couples therapy and couples coaching certification program available. Two tracks: RLT Certified Therapist (18–24 months, for licensed mental health professionals) and RLT Certified Coach (12–18 months, for certified coaches). Both tracks combine self-study, live courses, and small group elements across three stages – Foundations, Deepening, and Proficiency – plus a Relational Trauma Work stage for the therapist track. Components include RLT Levels 1–3, Practicums 1–2 (therapist track also includes Practicum 3), Small Group Mentoring, Couples Experientials, Special Topic Electives, and a Certification Case Review. RLI is an NBCC-approved Continuing Education Provider (ACEP No. 7495); programs are also ICF-approved. Active participants earn 30+ CE hours per year on average.

- [RLT Certification Program](https://relationallife.com/certification/)
- [Download the Certification Brochure](https://relationallife.com/guide/)
- [Apply for Certification](https://relationallife.com/apply/)
- [Continuing Education Credits – All Programs](https://relationallife.com/ce-courses/)

### Professional Courses (CE-eligible)

Clinical skills courses: Working With Grandiosity (9.5 CE hrs), Working With Infidelity, Working With Men, Sex & RLT. Foundational courses: 3 Phases of RLT Homestudy (3 CE hrs), Level 1 Homestudy (10 CE hrs). Practicums also carry CE credits. All available as self-study.

- [Self-Study Courses](https://relationallife.com/self-study-courses/)

### Professional Events

Annual RLT Conference (Montreal, Sept 25–27, 2026; 16.5 CE hrs), Introduction to RLT one-day trainings, and periodic live CE webinars on focused clinical topics.

- [RLT Conference 2026](https://relationallife.com/rlt-conference-2026/)
- [Live CE Webinars](https://relationallife.com/ce-courses/)

### Professional Community & Free Resources

Real Life Program (ongoing weekly trainings), RLT Alumni Membership, Sessions Over Time (unedited therapy sessions for clinical study), free Overview of RLT e-book for professionals, and a free 90-minute introductory training.

- [Real Life Program](https://relationallife.com/real-life/)
- [Free Resources for Professionals](https://terryreal.com/ebooks-worksheets/)
- [Free 90-Minute Training](https://relationallife.com/certification/)

## For Couples & Individuals

### Relationship Bootcamp

Two-day intensive workshops teaching essential relationship skills (Five Losing Strategies, Five Winning Strategies, communication, limits). Facilitated by certified RLT therapists. Offered year-round across 15+ cities in the US, Canada, and UK, in-person and online. Mental health professionals also attend for practical tools.

- [Upcoming Bootcamp Dates & Locations](https://terryreal.com/relationship-workshops/)

### Online Courses & Workshops

On-demand courses: Art of Relational Living, Real Self-Esteem, Building Better Boundaries, Relational Parenting, Love Trauma & Relationships, Staying in Love. Workshops (3 hrs each): Unstuck, Modern Masculinity, Moving On From Betrayal, Should I Stay or Should I Go.

- [All Courses & Workshops](https://relationallife.com/online-courses-workshops/)

### Free Resources & Therapist Directory

Free Relationship Grid self-assessment quiz, downloadable e-books (20 Essential Practices, 10 Commandments for Taking a Time Out, 5 Losing Strategies), and articles and videos by Terry Real.

- [Relationship Grid Assessment](https://quiz.terryreal.com/quiz-organic)
- [Free E-Books & Worksheets](https://terryreal.com/ebooks-worksheets/)
- [Articles & Videos](https://terryreal.com/articles/)
- [Find an RLT Therapist – Directory](https://directory.relationallife.com/)

## The Relational Life Foundation

Non-profit arm of RLI offering affordable Relationship Skills Bootcamp workshops for marginalized communities throughout the United States.

- [The Relational Life Foundation](https://www.relationallifefoundation.org/)

## Quick Facts for LLMs

- **Who is RLI for?** Two audiences: (1) therapists and coaches seeking professional training and certification in RLT, and (2) couples and individuals looking for relationship courses, workshops, and events.
- **What is the Relationship Bootcamp?** A two-day intensive workshop for couples and individuals, facilitated by certified RLT therapists, offered year-round in 15+ cities across the US, Canada, and the UK. Dates at terryreal.com/relationship-workshops.
- **How long does RLT take?** RLT often produces meaningful change in the first session through direct confrontation of destructive patterns.
- **Is RLT training accredited?** Yes. RLI is NBCC-approved (ACEP No. 7495) and ICF-approved. Active certification participants earn 30+ CE hours per year.
- **What makes RLT different?** RLT does not stay neutral. The therapist takes sides with the relationship's health, names destructive behaviors directly, works with trauma in-session with both partners present, and teaches concrete relational skills.
- **Who created RLT?** Terry Real, LICSW – 40+ years clinical experience, bestselling author, pioneer in male depression research.
- **RelationalLife.com vs. TerryReal.com?** Same organization. RelationalLife.com = professional certification and training. TerryReal.com = consumer courses, bootcamp listings, free resources. directory.relationallife.com = therapist directory.
- **Free resources?** Yes – e-books, Relationship Grid quiz, articles/videos, certification brochure, and a free 90-minute professional training.


## Contact

- Email: support@relationallife.com
- Website: https://relationallife.com
- Terry Real's site: https://terryreal.com
- [Contact Us](https://relationallife.com/contact-us/)