How To Get Past a Couple’s Defenses to the Hurt That’s Keeping Them Apart
Watch Terry Real interrupt a cycle of hurt and withdrawal one couple has been caught in for decades – and help them open their hearts to each other in the very first session. Through real couples therapy footage and live commentary, explore what he saw, where he intervened, and why.
🗓 Thursday, November 19 · 12–1:30 pm ET
- Real Couples Therapy
- Live Q&A
Can’t make it live? Register anyway and we’ll send you the replay.
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“My job is to see if I can find a couple’s vicious cycle, find a point of inflection that can shift it, and shift it in a single session.”
– Terry Real
Where Do You Begin When a Couple Has Almost Given Up?
When you’re working with a couple who’ve spent decades hurting each other and pulling away, it’s often the session you quietly dread before it starts. They arrive armed with their own version of what happened, and by the time one lashes out and the other falls silent, you’re wondering whether anything you say will land at all.
After being on the receiving end of each other’s bad behavior for so long, one or both partners may have very little compassion left and even less trust that change is possible. Asking them to understand each other can feel like asking them to overlook everything they’ve been through.
You can see how both are hurt and how their reactions keep the cycle going. But how do you name what’s happening in a way they can actually hear, and how do you help them soften their defenses?
In this free training, you’ll follow how Terry Real finds a way into that cycle with a real couple who’d pretty much lost hope, helping both partners understand what drives their behavior and take responsibility for it, while beginning to open their hearts.
You’ll see how in the space of a single session, he helped them find their way back to each other – and understand exactly how he did it.
Follow One Couple’s First Session With Terry Real …and the Clinical Decisions That Made the Difference
In this free 90-minute training, you’ll watch excerpts from Terry Real’s first session with a couple. After each clip, he’ll explain what he noticed, why he chose to intervene where he did, and the Relational Life Therapy tools he used.
You’ll discover exactly how Terry:
1
Diagnoses the Real Problem
Watch Terry piece together how each partner’s response feeds the other’s, helping them see the pattern – the dance – behind their arguments and their own part in keeping it going.
2
Uncovers What’s Driving It
Follow how he explores the childhood experiences behind their reactions and guides deeper work with one partner while the other witnesses, to build compassion where there has been so little.
3
Opens Their Hearts
See how he helps them recognize and receive that compassion, then begin speaking to each other with greater care. Then hear from them 9 months on, and how they’ve sustained the change.
What You’ll Learn
In your 90 minutes with Terry Real, you’ll explore:
How he gets beyond the latest argument – Follow the questions Terry asks to identify the cycle both partners are caught in and help them recognize their own part in it.
Where he finds an opening for change – Hear what guides his decision to stay with a particular response, challenge what he’s hearing, or take the work deeper.
How deeper work can build compassion between partners – Watch how exploring the childhood experiences behind one partner’s reactions, with the other present, creates an opportunity for them to understand and respond to each other differently.
What the couple carried into their marriage – Hear from them nine months later about what changed and how they began handling conflict differently.
PLUS, live Q&A with Terry – Bring your questions about the interventions you observed and how they relate to your own couples work.
Is This Training for You?
This free training is for therapists, counselors, psychologists, social workers, and relationship coaches who work with couples. It’s for you if…
You keep getting drawn into the details of the latest fight and want to see how another practitioner identifies and works with the pattern behind it.
You can see how partners are hurting each other, but aren’t sure how to name it in a way they can hear.
You work with couples who have so little compassion left that even asking them to understand each other feels like a stretch.
You’d value the chance to watch another therapist work and hear how he makes the decisions you’re often left figuring out alone.
You don’t need any background in Relational Life Therapy – this is an excellent introduction to the work. You’ll see it in action and understand the thinking behind the method.
About Terry Real
Terry Real, LICSW, is an internationally recognized couples and family therapist, New York Times bestselling author, and the creator of Relational Life Therapy®.
A former senior faculty member of the Family Institute of Cambridge, where he taught for over 20 years, and a retired Clinical Fellow of the Meadows Institute in Arizona, Terry built RLT® out of two decades of working with couples on the brink of divorce that no one else had been able to help.
Two days with him, and they were either back on track or getting a divorce. He broke most of the rules he’d been taught to get there – and then stepped back to ask what was actually working.
Through the Relational Life Institute, he has trained thousands of therapists worldwide in that method. His work on couples therapy, relationships, and men’s issues has been featured in outlets from Oprah and The Today Show to Vogue and The New York Times.
What Your Colleagues Say About Training With Terry Real
“I’m always eager to hear Terry speak and watch him work his miracles.
I’m in awe of how he keeps partners focused on the issue at hand and intervenes at exactly the right moment. It’s wonderful to watch, and it helps me sharpen my own skills.”
Marta Chausee, counseling professional
“What’s changed is understanding how to be truthful… in a way that creates change.
My clients were making surface-level, first-order change. What’s changed is understanding how to be truthful and honest with my observations, and giving that to the client in a way that helps to create change.”
Stefanie J., on An Intro to RLT with Terry
“Rarely does a therapist have the ability to get to the heart of a matter quickly.
Incorporating fierce honesty, deep listening, compassion, and a way forward, Terry shares insights and wisdom from beyond. After he worked with each couple, it felt like a little piece of suffering was lifted from the universe.”
Christine King
Frequently Asked Questions
Is it really free?
Yes – all you need to do is register with your name and email to save your seat.
When is it?
Thursday, November 19, at 12pm ET, live on Zoom. It runs for 90 minutes.
What if I can’t make it live?
Register anyway, and we’ll send you the replay within 48 hours of the session end.
Do I need to know Relational Life Therapy®?
No – Terry explains what he’s doing and why as he goes, so it’s a great first look at the model if you’re new to it.
Will there be time for questions?
Yes – Terry will explain his interventions after each session excerpt, with roughly 30 mins to take live questions at the end.
What will I be watching?
You’ll see recorded excerpts from Terry’s first session with a real couple who agreed to share their work for professional training. You’ll follow how he identifies their pattern, explores what drives their reactions, and helps them begin reconnecting. A nine-month follow-up lets you hear what they carried into their marriage afterward.
Is this a real couple?
Yes – you’ll see recorded footage of Terry’s session with a real couple who agreed to share their work to help other practitioners learn.
I’m not a therapist, coach, or mental health professional. Can I still join?
This training is for therapists, counselors, psychologists, social workers, and relationship coaches. It is not open to the general public looking for help in their own relationship. If that sounds like what you need right now, we recommend exploring Terry’s online courses and our Find a Therapist Directory to locate a certified RLT practitioner near you.
I still have questions. Who can I speak to?
Email us at support@terryreal.com and a member of the team will get back to you.
Free live training with Terry Real · Real Couples Therapy · With Q&A
Learn How To Find the Move That Makes the Difference
Free Live Training with Terry Real · Real Couples Therapy · With Q&A
🗓 Thursday, November 19 · 12–1:30 pm ET
Can’t make it live? Register anyway and we’ll send you the replay.